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A playlist for the end of the world.

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We’ve got it so good. Everything on-demand from virtual sex to real food. Emperors of old could never dream of the lives we privileged millennials live. It’s all too good to be true and yet here we are complaining to each other about shit so mundane I can’t actually think of a funny punchline for this. The only remedy to all this boring easy living is a new villain. Mine is self-diagnosed depression. The kind that I’m not sure is real or not. Don’t start worrying it’s just a little bit of apathy layered in legitimate concern for what humans are collectively doing to the only place they can live in for the next 100 lightyears. No Biggie. Shit, I should probably add a few of his bops to the list. When I get to the other side of one of my vanilla dips into self-loathing I often find myself listening to this playlist. I’m fortunate enough to have been happy enough to think: “Wow.. the world could end right now and I really wouldn’t mind”. It’s a thought that has occurred to me more than once. The last time those thoughts slipped into my mind I was sitting on the side of a mountain in Clarens picturing a huge fireball of space debris heading straight for me. A fitting end to a brief but fun existence. Then I panicked. What song would I choose if I had time for only one more? There’s too much to choose from and ultimately it means nothing….

Fuck it. If I can’t choose one song I’ll make sure I’m listening to great music all the time so the last one I hear at least has meaning for me.

I wish this playlist actually could be played while the world ends but I doubt the Spotify servers would survive the apocalypse. Just to be sure you should hit the download button and save it all to your phone.

Here it is. A Playlist For The End Of The World

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Bombaby – Absurdist Rock Volume 1 The Custard Chronicles

BOMBABY's 1st ALBUM

BOMBABY’s 1st ALBUM

 

Two mad musicians known as Bomb and Baby have created what can only be described as clusterfuck of whimsical metal funk. Be prepared for lyrics with no filter that make zero sense. This album laughs in the face of normality. Every song is as unpredictable the quantum physics of a neutron star. Often times it’s as heavy as one too. Lets have a look at this monster album track for track. Keep in mind that all of these bangers were written and recorded in a single day and released the day afterwards until the album was complete.

There’s a Rat In The Hospital: A rat’s existential crisis anthem punctuated with cheesy little synthy stabs, reversed drum grooves that still keep your foot tapping, a bass break that breaks necks and sweet juicy distortion. Woah these guys can sing/scream/talk like babys so well!

My Baby: AH YAH MAHTHAFAKAH. My baby’s gonna fuck you up, bitch. The drum groove on this song is too good. It makes you forget that this song seems to be about two parents trying to out baby each other, which is more than slightly disturbing. OH GOD I think I just got crushed by that short distortion break. What did I just listen to and why did I like it? I have no idea.

Sensitive Farmer: This Metal inspired song in not suggestive at all. Its just about touching produce to make sure it’s okay. You gotta look out for the interests of emotionally intelligent food makers. This song makes you feel like you’re at a farmers market after taking 3 tabs of acid and drinking a whole bottle of Jack spiked with MDMA. There’s this beautiful part towards the end that Kevin Parker would envy. Its so dreamy. Don’t get used to it cause your dreams are then shattered with more chaotic guitars. What a mad mad mad song. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s manic laughter in all of their songs…

Auto Cunt: A song that hits you with a wall of off kilter drums and a guitar riff to match in the sweetest fuzz sound you’ll have the pleasure of hearing. Then it unceremoniously throws you over that wall into the land of optimistic rock and builds into another round of brain mashing riff rock. Then you’re seduced by some Ooh lalala’s that sound so sleazy they could have come out of the hole in Trumps face that he shits out of.

Judas Loves Mangoes: If a Sunday school song was written by a demonic baby with an affinity for fruit. How is this song cutesy and badass at the same time? My brain hurts.

Everything’s Impossible: Have you ever been given a solid reality check by a lumo clad old couple that’s definitely taken uppers and downers and siders and any other kind of inebriant that makes them spit way too much while they talk? Me neither. Okay this song is nothing like that but it made me think of it. On a more serious note, the production on this whole album has really sunk in by now. It’s so good that you kinda don’t notice it. On a less serious note. There’s definitely manic laughter in all the songs on this album.

Kingpin Baby: OMG YAAAS did you see that new series Prison Baby? It’s like Prison Break but with more nappies and grannies.

Manfucker: HEY! THAT’S OFFENS…… Holy shit that bass tone just turned the frogs gay and I love it. Anyone who gets offended by this song obviously doesn’t understand this funky celebration of gayness. For two straight dudes they really do know how to make a man stoked for another guy’s sexual orientation. I never thought I would want a Metal Funk anthem about banging dudes but here I am listening to this song for the 5th time. You have to stick around for the two epic epic epic drops near the end. What a fucker of a song.

Devils Dick: Ever wondered if Satan is a Fukkboi? According to this song he definitely is and won’t even introduce you to his parents. What a dick. Oh well… I’m too busy marvelling at how tight this song sounds to be hung up on tabasco dick. The drumming is insane. Like asking your girlfriend’s dad to lend you his extra large condoms.

The Ballad of My name Is Tristan: An exercise in meta music that drips with epic guitar tone featuring the golden voice of Tristan. I like how the lyrics criticising christianity are sung by a christian dude. They only just barely make sense but that doesn’t matter man just bang your head to the doom inspired riff sandwich. It’s a bit lengthy and waffling but the song grows on you.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS: The Custard Chronicles are a prime example of the potential you face when you stop taking things so seriously as a band and focus on the performance aspect. The album is whimsical and badass at the same time. Its something you won’t soon forget after listening to it, kinda like that hot couple high off their tits making out and undressing each other on the dance floor. Beautiful and offensive and confusing all at the same time. There are moments in this album that just plain blow you away and you can be happy to know that they are genuinely thought up on the fly. No convoluted creative process. Just messy pure talent that doesn’t give a fuck. I give this album a strong 8 out of 10. Go listen to it and recharge your sense of humour. Click on the album picture to go to their bandcamp.com page.

 

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The musician’s fight for your attention span (part 1)

SHUT-UP-TIM

When last have you selected an album from your music collection, chosen the first song, sat down and only listened to the music? Many of the people I’ve asked can’t remember the last time they did that. Some say that they don’t ever take the time to take in an album in it’s fullness without distraction. It’s not really a surprise. Our world is filled with all sorts of distractions and responsibilities. When people listen to music they are giving up precious time to hear it. It’s possible that this is influencing the way budding artists are releasing their works.

There’s a lot you can get done in the time it takes to listen to “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” by Pink Floyd: Text a crazy ex you were reminded of for some reason, make a paper crane, check your Facebook 5 times, drive to your local shrooms dealer, read halfway through “The Little Prince”, argue with your roommate over the significance of Syd Barrett in Pink Floyd…. The list goes on and on.

So who doesn’t listen to music and do something else at the same time? Even I multi-task while indulging in my sonic addiction. It’s not a crime to read a good book or drive to your destination of choice with your own personal sound track. Music is an enhancement of your surroundings, it fuels the feelings and memories you experience. Like smelling the perfume your old flame used to wear, music is a bookmark in your book of experiences.

Unfortunately, some people don’t think of music as an inspiration catalyst. Those people are the ones pushing in front of you at an MGMT concert only to take selfies and shout over the music to their friend about meaningless lists of the drinks they consumed or when last they saw Game Of Thrones. Those kinds of people also probably complained about MGMT’s stage presence because they don’t understand the goal of that kind of music. If I was having a conversation with a member of a band I hold in high regard I’d shut the fuck up and listen when he/she speaks. One would think that manners of that kind would translate to a crowd keeping quiet while a particularly dynamic band like MGMT is playing. Unfortunately the reality of putting more than a thousand drunk/high people in one place is that there will be noise and cultural indifference. Perhaps this is why Jack White doesn’t like playing festival gigs.

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Reasons I love the SA music scene – Mind Pool

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Last time I was in Cape Town I had the privilege of witnessing Mind Pool live. It was a deeply satisfying experience to hear a live set that sounded even better than their great material on Soundcloud account. You honestly have to see this band live to get the full experience. You can feel the creativity and fun emanate from the stage in their music. The drummer is as tight a bolt in a german engine block. The bassist is so much more than thick strings through some pedals, he plays live synths that melt into your ears like a Lindt chocolate. Lets not forget the main vocals which are consistent and sound effortless.

Mind Pool is definitely a band to look out for on the South African scene. Download their latest soundcloud upload for mahala before its too late!

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I’d write a listicle but…

15. I cant count.

2. This is ironic.

3. *Sweeping statement*.

4. *Generalisation*.

5. Look at me I can write like Elite Classism…uh, I mean Elite Daily.

6. I hate guessing how many points it takes to bore you.

7. I can’t find a picture of an inherently privileged good looking couple.

8. I don’t like giving my sex secrets away.

9. This has nothing to do with music.

10. Uhhhh…….. *Generalisation AND Sweeping statement*.

11. *Stupid anecdote.*

 

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4 or 6 – CUJO

Here’s some laid back, samplistic (I made up a word, deal with it), jazzy, mind melting and sultry weirdness for your wednesday. Amon Tobin, you are a freak but you’re awesome. His new album is out this year and it sounds super heavy and dark so if you feel like going into another dimension of jagged, rocky soundscape go check it out.

 

4 or 6

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The musician you can trust is one who tracks it all live.

No one likes that girl who you cant give a solid pat on the back without a cloud of makeup consuming the whole room…. Okay maybe some do, but those people probably know that girl for the intelligence and personality buried under inches of base and racism. Can you feel the dislike welling up for this fictional character welling up inside you? Do you feel sorry for base face? Think of that girl as a song or a band you have found online. They have the marketing, the top class recording and the radio play but when you finally see them live it’s as disappointing as coming home to find your housemate has eaten your leftover pizza. It’s a common error in our age of post production genius and technology: Raising expectations that tower over reality. This brings me to our throwback of the week by Buddy Miles.

I lost myself to the funky blues of this track more than 6 times today. It’s just so groovy. There’s so much skill in the playing of every single instrument you hear. My favourite part about this track is that it’s clearly been played live, as in all the musicians played at the same time. If one musician made a big mistake they’d have had to start the song all over again from the beginning. There weren’t computer programs to fix things after recording. What you hear is what you get. All that skill and groove came out in one beautiful take.

 

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