Shut Up Tim

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Ag Oppi pleeze…*

After the epic year of international acts that came to South Africa in 2014 I have decided to be cheeky by being very specific about a few overseas acts I would like to see at Oppikoppi 2015 with three reasons each. One can at least dream. Here goes…

Balthazar

1. This Belgian band has won two NME awards.

2. They have been to South Africa before (in 2009, Just before the release of their incredible album ‘Applause‘).

3. They’d be the surprise international act of the year.

Tame Impala

1. We have to appease the hipsters. (NAAAAT)

2.  This.

3. I want to laugh at jocks trying to dance to Apocalypse Dreams.

All Them Witches

1. The way these guys play rock ‘n roll, it would be a crime to not have them at Oppi.

2. I want to see the sea of mouths on the floor (and the smile of the sound engineer) when everyone hears that epic guitar tone of theirs.

3.  This band deserves to get the fans oppi will bring to them.

The Dead Weather

1. Jack White

2. Alison Mosshart

3. All of the above.

Mute Math

1. Darren King will melt faces off with drumming from another dimension.

2. They are the best live band you will ever see and I know that even though I’ve only seen live recordings on YouTube.

3. I want to hear newer songs from them. It’s been almost 4 years now.

 

So there you have it. A man can dream and I have a feeling that somehow at least one of them will come true. Whatever you do, Oppi, I’m sure it’ll be epic. Ag Oppi pleeze would you bring one of these bands in?*

*Use your best cape afrikaans accent.

I leave you with one of the many awesome things from OPPI 2014.

 

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Ten times you should stop listening to electro/hardstyle/jockpop.

1. When you don’t want a girlfriend that has implants, dead orange hair and an affinity for abusing ritalin.

2.  When you’re tired of waiting for the damn song to drop.

3. When the DJ has forgotten to pretend to do something because he’s had his hands bouncing up and down like a lumo preacher for the last 30 minutes.

4. When you want to hear acoustic instruments.

5. When you’re sober.

6. When you suspect your repeat button was on but it wasn’t.

7. When you’re playing music from phone speakers. (That said, don’t do it with any music. Seriously, dude. Just hum or something).

8. When a cop pulls you over.

9. When your ears ring with a side chain compression dip going 120BPM.

10. When you have to ask who The Black Keys are.

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Why it’s okay to like weird music – Part 2

Here’s part of the dictionary definition for weird.

adj. weird·er, weird·est

1. Strikingly odd or unusual, especially in an unsettling way; strange: That stupid hipster listens to very weird music. Thom Yorke is so weird. Is that weird dude staring at you while playing that sitar?
One of the reasons people tend to shy away from weird music is that it goes against the very thing that often lets us enjoy music. Patterns. If you want to write a radio hit you shouldn’t be scared of sounding similar. You can’t make a ‘club banger’ without a massive constant kick drum as much as you cant pay tax in South Africa without somehow indirectly paying for one of Zuma’s wives’ butt implants (heh heh heh).
That said, one needs some new things in the mix. In a commercial sense all one has to do is say ‘nigga’ in a different place and use a different plagiarised sample from Chuck Berry. This, of course, is still not considered weird music.
Here is how to tell if the music you’re listening to is weird:
1. Sit your parents down in front of your computer.
2. Play said song (preferably with music video)
If your parents start lecturing you about the dangers of psychedelics or start reminiscing about how you were conceived, it’s weird.
OR
1. Play said song extremely loud at home.
If you get abducted by aliens you’re listening to weird music.
OR
if you listen to this:
 < back to part 1 <

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Why it’s okay to like weird music. – Part 1

I’m one of those assholes that judge you based on your taste in music. I’m not sorry. I just happen to notice that people I don’t like also listen to specific kinds of music. Don’t blame me for overgeneralizing. Clichés exist for a reason. This is not to say that I can’t appreciate the music that is played in circles I would prefer to stay out of. I just don’t like being around people who are so dedicated to a specific kind of music that they completely disregard all the other music out there.

What I’m trying to say is that I am driven away by a lack of taste in music. If someone likes EDM I’m cool with that. I’m not a huge fan of overly compressed 4/4 with 2 note melodies and a grossly overstated DJ but there are also people who actually put effort into their music which somehow ends up in that genre. If someone only likes EDM and discounts more sophisticated music because it’s ‘boring’ (and requires actually sitting and listening instead of jumping around a lumo decorated room) then I might think they’re an idiot. Sorry, not sorry

 

I tried to DJ in a corporate environment when I worked for a DJ hire company and I hated every minute of it. As a musician who is used to having a say in what music is to be played, it’s tough to look excited and drive a party when you have to listen to someone who requests songs that make you want to die inside. I now know the only legitimate reason for a DJ to charge a heavy fee. Sorry, folks, but when I’m in charge of music and getting paid for it I’m not your damn jukebox of overplayed horseshit.

…..to be continued…..

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