shut up tim

The musician’s fight for your attention span (part 1)

SHUT-UP-TIM

When last have you selected an album from your music collection, chosen the first song, sat down and only listened to the music? Many of the people I’ve asked can’t remember the last time they did that. Some say that they don’t ever take the time to take in an album in it’s fullness without distraction. It’s not really a surprise. Our world is filled with all sorts of distractions and responsibilities. When people listen to music they are giving up precious time to hear it. It’s possible that this is influencing the way budding artists are releasing their works.

There’s a lot you can get done in the time it takes to listen to “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” by Pink Floyd: Text a crazy ex you were reminded of for some reason, make a paper crane, check your Facebook 5 times, drive to your local shrooms dealer, read halfway through “The Little Prince”, argue with your roommate over the significance of Syd Barrett in Pink Floyd…. The list goes on and on.

So who doesn’t listen to music and do something else at the same time? Even I multi-task while indulging in my sonic addiction. It’s not a crime to read a good book or drive to your destination of choice with your own personal sound track. Music is an enhancement of your surroundings, it fuels the feelings and memories you experience. Like smelling the perfume your old flame used to wear, music is a bookmark in your book of experiences.

Unfortunately, some people don’t think of music as an inspiration catalyst. Those people are the ones pushing in front of you at an MGMT concert only to take selfies and shout over the music to their friend about meaningless lists of the drinks they consumed or when last they saw Game Of Thrones. Those kinds of people also probably complained about MGMT’s stage presence because they don’t understand the goal of that kind of music. If I was having a conversation with a member of a band I hold in high regard I’d shut the fuck up and listen when he/she speaks. One would think that manners of that kind would translate to a crowd keeping quiet while a particularly dynamic band like MGMT is playing. Unfortunately the reality of putting more than a thousand drunk/high people in one place is that there will be noise and cultural indifference. Perhaps this is why Jack White doesn’t like playing festival gigs.

How to politely tell someone you don’t like their music.

*disclaimer* If someone plays you music by Pitbull you are allowed to tell them to fuck off. Okay? Sweet, here we go…

Resist the urge to fully explain why your soul shrivels every time to hear said song/artist/’unfinished production’.

Even if it’s a lie/half-truth; tell the person what you like about it. Avoid making the half-ass compliment into a disguised insult.
Wrong: “I like how you made that guitar sound so dissonant, dude…. OH that’s just your playing style… right.”
Right: “I like that one sound that happened just there” (when in doubt use ambiguity)

Then drop the hint that you’re not into it. Be gentle.
Wrong: “Dude this song makes me feel like Mugabe is taking a dump in my ear.”
Right: “This isn’t really my style hey.”

If they try and show you another song in the same style to try and convert you, humour them. A quality of one who has taste in music is one who listens objectively. If someone tries to get you into Beck and you hate him because they showed you a song from ‘Stereopathic Soulmanure’ you missed out, man.

After you have been shown the music you now want to avoid forever, you can stop the aural torture by requesting to show your weird/commercially brainwashed friend some music that you like. It’s only fair.

 

Ten times you should stop listening to electro/hardstyle/jockpop.

1. When you don’t want a girlfriend that has implants, dead orange hair and an affinity for abusing ritalin.

2.  When you’re tired of waiting for the damn song to drop.

3. When the DJ has forgotten to pretend to do something because he’s had his hands bouncing up and down like a lumo preacher for the last 30 minutes.

4. When you want to hear acoustic instruments.

5. When you’re sober.

6. When you suspect your repeat button was on but it wasn’t.

7. When you’re playing music from phone speakers. (That said, don’t do it with any music. Seriously, dude. Just hum or something).

8. When a cop pulls you over.

9. When your ears ring with a side chain compression dip going 120BPM.

10. When you have to ask who The Black Keys are.